Late Night Thoughts

I have just started reading the book "Blue Like Jazz." I know, I am way behind on the cool Christian reading list. I just completed the second chapter that talks about he problem of always thinking of ourselves and seeking to please ourselves rather than seek our pleasure in God. I think this is something that I have been struggling with a lot lately. I think, perhaps, I am supposed to be learning something here. I have been reading a Bible in one year plan and here are some of the verses that have stuck with me recently:

Proverbs 23:17
Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for fear of the Lord.

Jeremiah 7:9-10
Will you steal and murder, commit adultery and perjury, burn incense to Baal and follow other gods you have not known, and then come and stand before me in this house, which bears my Name, and say, "We are safe"- safe to do all these detestable things.

Proverbs 28:13
He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Jeremiah 9:20
Now, O women, hear the word of the Lord:
open your ears to the words of his mouth.
Teach your daughters how to wail;
teach one another a lament.

Jeremiah 9:23-24
This is what the Lord says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this;
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the Lord.

It is so easy for me to think of myself first, to go after what I want and, frankly, to have no fear of the Lord. I want to be liked by my coworkers, I want to feel attractive and desired. I want to get attention from people and feel like I matter. I don't know that all of these things are bad, but at what point am I seeking these things and not the Lord. At what point am I sinning? I desire to know the Lord and to put my trust in him and to fear the Lord more than I desire the things of the world. But, man, sometimes it is so stinking hard.

Lord, I pray that these verses will stick with me. That I will continue to think of them and meditate on them so that by your grace and through your power I can know you and fear you more. I pray that I would truly confess, renounce and lament my sins and that they would become detestable to me. Lord, I pray that I would in my heart desire you more than the things of the world. Amen.